Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
