I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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