holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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