I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
