i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
