i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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