I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
