I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
