And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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