i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
