I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
