There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Nicole vs. Life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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