hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I could fuck to npr.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
