he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize