i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
