Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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