I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
People in love make me want to vomit
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
