he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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