Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
