New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
