If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize