I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
