You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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