I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
