Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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