I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize