You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I FOUND THE LEGS
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
