i already hear my dad disowning me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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