Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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