It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My vagina just recognized that song.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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