i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
