I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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