Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
