dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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