Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
