Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
