I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
