Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
