I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
