You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
