he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
