You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
