True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
