True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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