I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize