the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
