your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
