Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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