Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize