you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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