for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
