I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
