I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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