He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
