Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
