so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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