between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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