It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
