He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
