i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
