When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
