Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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