my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
