hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize