So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
