Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
