YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
