Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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