Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
