We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
