Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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