No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
