I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
