he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
