Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
