Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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