he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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