i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
