I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
