I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize