I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
