Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
