Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
