Where is the hickey?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You took a bar mat shot.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
