Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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