what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
