Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
