Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize