Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize