it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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